Beyond. Compare.

In the lifespan of a murabbi,

The rejection of her mutarabbi, is the biggest rejection ever happened to her.


For the first time.. she cries in her sleep,
Her tears run as fast as the shower falling on top of her,
Her dark rings grow bigger around her eyes,

It's painful.

This one time.

Hits me,

hard.

. . . . . . .

Pedih dan tajamnya, masih saja membekas,
Parut dan lukanya, masih saja memerah.

Ya Syafii, O the one heals,

Heal my heart, for it's nearly broken.

Ya Ghafuur, O the one who forgives,

Forgive my sins, for too many it is.

Ya Samii', O the one who listens,

I no longer have words to say.

But please, 

listen to my silence of despair.

. . . . . .

Rejections.
One after another.
Of loved ones.

Sometimes too much.
It hurts so deeply...

Can I spend a day to just cry?

As I remember this one, my eye reddens
As I recall the one before this one, my heart hurts
And the one before.
And the one before.

Too many in these previous years.




Pain.



. . . . . .

The holy book wrapped in blue, unfolded

"Ta-ha" (1)

We did not reveal the Qur'an to you so you face hardship" (2)

"Has there come to you the story of Musa?" (9)

Who received the revelation amidst own sins and guilt.
Who ran away out of fear for his staff turned into snake.
Who was mandated to call Fir'aun to Allah.
Who was declined by his own people.
Who was... rejected.




Then to the next chapter of "Al-Anbiya'"
Of the stories of Musa and Harun and the worshiping of the cow statue,
Of Abraham that was thrown into the fire,
Of Luth, Ishaq and Ya'qub facing the people of evil,
Of Dawud and Sulaiman granted hikmah and wealth,
Of Ayyub and his gentle and passionate prayers to Allah,
Of Isma'il, Idris, Dzulkifli, Nuuh, Zakariyya, and Maryam...


Of uncountable rejections and endless accusations.



Allah....
Astaghfirullah.