Family: Thankful all around.

Bila sebut tentang family, I easily smile wide.

Subhanallah, alhamdulillah. Family, is indeed one of the biggest reason for me to express my gratitude to Allah, after Islam, Iman, and this Dakwah & Tarbiyah. I can't thank Allah more for this.

Whenever I love someone, I can't help but to pray that Allah choose them, to be in this Dakwah&Tarbiyah. What is a better place/position one can achieve than to be His helpers? - regardless, how helpless, how impossible that prayer seemed to me.

That is until, my elder brother....
The one whom I used to fight with when turning on the radio.
I hate all those crap songs he's listening to.
The one whom whatever I do - usrah, daurah, tajmik and many more - is his laughing stock.

.. got married to an ukht. And is joining usrah now.

Long way to go but, all the impossible seems so clear to me now. Allah is indeed the All-Hearing.

From that moment onwards, my prayers landscape has changed its tone. Full of confidence, full of hope. I know he'll grant our prayers.

The journey of Dakwah & Tarbiyah with your family is a whole different story. Regardless how many juniors you approached, how many halaqah you conducted, how many taujihat you presented, how many programmes you organised; your family is not - even close - to any of those.

They know the black and white - greys included - of you. Doing dakwah to them, tests the truth of your dakwah, you can hide nothing.

And them - each of them - have their own ego; now testing your hikmah. Subhanallah, a long journey indeed. But I shall not surrender.


I did not express it, but I can see Ummi's view, changed.

I remember, my mobility to programmes, were usually restricted by ummi and abi' permission. They used to say I am too busy, I need to spend more time home, I have to learn to appreciate the family..

That is until, I realised my dakwah and tarbiyah isn't balanced. I failed to do my part back home. I tried, changing.

Later on I see changes around me as well.

Plot twist.
Umi will be the one asking, "kenapa tak pergi?"

"Na, cuba la ajak kaklah sekali"
"Kaklah nak pergi vacation"
"Cuti tu kan panjang, takkan semuanya pergi vacation"

One habit that I think anyone who joins D&T will posses is, book obsession.

I kept on buying books, and during last summer holiday, I tidied up the room and have this one spot as my mini library. I didn't notice that ummi loves to have a look at the books at the corner. Until one day, I dig into her handbag to look for something but found one of my books in her handbag. Speechless, grateful deep down.

The last week before I flew back to the UK, Ummi asked me my plan for the week. I told her my plans for each day. One of them is to go to Sri Kembangan to shop books to bring back to the UK. Ummi just nodded, and on the day I wanted to go to the book shop, Umi told Yah in front of me,

"Yah, jom ikut kak diyana pergi kedai buku nak tak?"






Subhanallah, blessings all around.

Just keep on doing our best in D&T, outside, or back home. They didn't show, but they silently observe. I didn't promise it's going to be easy, but surely worth it.


Sindrom-sakit-rumah
Alhamdulillah.

Cari.

“Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang derhaka, mereka selalu mentertawakan orang-orang yang beriman.

Dan apabila orang-orang yang beriman lalu dekat mereka, mereka mengerling dan memejm celikkan mata sesame sendiri (mencemuhnya).

Dan apabila mereka kembali kepada kaum keluarganya, mereka kembali dengan riang gembira.” [Al-Muthaffifin, 83:29-31]

Boleh jadi, masa untuk bergelak ketawa panjang, telah pun berlalu.

Muhasabah. Yang amat panjang.

Aku masih terlalu amat banyak bermain-main dengan dakwah ini!

Buat sekadar berbuat.

Menyahut acuh tak acuh.

Memikir di minit-minit terakhir.

Alangkah banyaknya gelak tawa

Alangkah banyaknya bual kosong dan cakap-cakap sia

Alangkah banyaknya duduk-duduk tak bermanfaat dan menungan kosong

Alangkah derhakanya aku.

Bermain-main.

Dengan dakwah ini.

. . . . .

Berkelana di bumi Cork.

Memerhati bagaimana mereka menyikapi liqa’-liqa’ mingguan mereka. Sang murabbi tak memandang enteng kelewatan mutarabbinya. Serius, kerana mad'unya kader untuk ummah ini.

Sang murabbi tak berpada-pada bersiap untuk liqa’ di minit akhir. Pembacaan meluas, olahan jelas, memikir penuh amanah. mendengar penuh ihsan.

Qadhaya mereka tak sekadar mencampak-longgok masalah-masalah dakwah kemudian disoal mengapa begitu dan begini. Tapi semua prihatin mencari solusi seolah masalah sendiri. Memangnya, masalah ukhti kita adalah masalah semua. Mas’uliyat ukhti kita adalah mas’uliyat semua. Bersama.

Para pendokong bukan sekadar 'menolak' adik-adik mereka, tapi mereka memandang serius tarbiyah sendiri. Responsif, proaktif, bersungguh dalam apa yang disusun oleh kakak-kakanya. 

“Allah menepati janjinya kepada ahli syurga, mereka pun memandangi wajahNya hingga puas”

Bicara Umar saat menemukan anaknya membeli daging kerana teringin memakannya, “Apakah bila engkau menginginkan sesuatu, engkau sentiasa mendapatkannya?”

“Pertemuan kita bukan sekadar ingin menggemukkan fikrah, tapi menguatkan lagi obsesi kita kepada syurga, menguatkan kerinduan kita kepada Allah dan rasul, menguatkan kerinduan kita kepada rehat di Syurga”

. . . . . . 

Saat merasakan semangat telah melemah, 

Temukan cara untuk mencari solusi,

menemukan kembali jiwa yang hilang itu.

Cukup, cukup bercakap.

Mungkin yang perlu dibicarakan saat ini,  

Ialah soal amal.

Beyond. Compare.

In the lifespan of a murabbi,

The rejection of her mutarabbi, is the biggest rejection ever happened to her.


For the first time.. she cries in her sleep,
Her tears run as fast as the shower falling on top of her,
Her dark rings grow bigger around her eyes,

It's painful.

This one time.

Hits me,

hard.

. . . . . . .

Pedih dan tajamnya, masih saja membekas,
Parut dan lukanya, masih saja memerah.

Ya Syafii, O the one heals,

Heal my heart, for it's nearly broken.

Ya Ghafuur, O the one who forgives,

Forgive my sins, for too many it is.

Ya Samii', O the one who listens,

I no longer have words to say.

But please, 

listen to my silence of despair.

. . . . . .

Rejections.
One after another.
Of loved ones.

Sometimes too much.
It hurts so deeply...

Can I spend a day to just cry?

As I remember this one, my eye reddens
As I recall the one before this one, my heart hurts
And the one before.
And the one before.

Too many in these previous years.




Pain.



. . . . . .

The holy book wrapped in blue, unfolded

"Ta-ha" (1)

We did not reveal the Qur'an to you so you face hardship" (2)

"Has there come to you the story of Musa?" (9)

Who received the revelation amidst own sins and guilt.
Who ran away out of fear for his staff turned into snake.
Who was mandated to call Fir'aun to Allah.
Who was declined by his own people.
Who was... rejected.




Then to the next chapter of "Al-Anbiya'"
Of the stories of Musa and Harun and the worshiping of the cow statue,
Of Abraham that was thrown into the fire,
Of Luth, Ishaq and Ya'qub facing the people of evil,
Of Dawud and Sulaiman granted hikmah and wealth,
Of Ayyub and his gentle and passionate prayers to Allah,
Of Isma'il, Idris, Dzulkifli, Nuuh, Zakariyya, and Maryam...


Of uncountable rejections and endless accusations.



Allah....
Astaghfirullah.